In which I decide to become an escort.

I don’t have a job – I should probably say that now. I know you are conjuring up images of a lazy stay at home lout but despite my best efforts, my Netflix binges remain rare and have yet to be adopted into my daily routine.

Now my lack of a job is of deep disappointment to my parents, my cats (who would like higher quality cat food) and of course myself. In my defense, I have just finished my four A Levels and ritual sacrifice of tears to the gods of CCEA so my schedule has been somewhat busy recently. My grand plan was to get a job as soon as exams were over and personally I thought it was inspired. With my approach I would be able to dedicate myself completely to any part time job before I (hopefully) go on to university. I just wanted to be a good employee but apparently I was gravely mistaken in my belief that “Loads of places will be wanting a bit of cheap labour to help out.”

To begin the job search I began my quest on the job centre website – most of the available jobs in one place. Imagine my horror and downright panic as I began to look at the job options – stacking shelves in the local shop ‘Candidates will have 2 years of retail experience”, Cleaning toilets at the golf centre ‘Successful applicants will have hospitality related experience and will provide 3 references from past employers’.

Now I have many qualities – I have organised school-wide charity events, been a senior prefect and mentor and take part in all the classic debating competitions so my interpersonal skills are pretty damn good – but I lack experience, alas! The most crucial element!

As though to spit upon my devastation at being rejected before I can even apply, the fates decided to include on almost all these experience requiring roles that ‘Full training will be provided’. Now my dear reader I implore you – what the actual flip? What’s wrong with giving me the full training?

In desperation; I turned to Craislist. Yep, I stooped that low. In between all the requests for extra-marital affairs there were plenty of requests for escorts with the most blessed phrase to ever be communicated by the English language – no experience needed. Now… I’m somewhat ashamed to admit this but after weeks of having my confidence become all to well acquainted with rock bottom it took me a moment to scroll past the ads in question.

All I wanted was a simple part time job and the end result was contemplating distinctly more adult roles. You can tell this is going to be a fun blog.

If anyone is reading this, feel free to share your struggle in the comments. Remember, caring means sharing!