In which I decide to become an escort.

I don’t have a job – I should probably say that now. I know you are conjuring up images of a lazy stay at home lout but despite my best efforts, my Netflix binges remain rare and have yet to be adopted into my daily routine.

Now my lack of a job is of deep disappointment to my parents, my cats (who would like higher quality cat food) and of course myself. In my defense, I have just finished my four A Levels and ritual sacrifice of tears to the gods of CCEA so my schedule has been somewhat busy recently. My grand plan was to get a job as soon as exams were over and personally I thought it was inspired. With my approach I would be able to dedicate myself completely to any part time job before I (hopefully) go on to university. I just wanted to be a good employee but apparently I was gravely mistaken in my belief that “Loads of places will be wanting a bit of cheap labour to help out.”

To begin the job search I began my quest on the job centre website – most of the available jobs in one place. Imagine my horror and downright panic as I began to look at the job options – stacking shelves in the local shop ‘Candidates will have 2 years of retail experience”, Cleaning toilets at the golf centre ‘Successful applicants will have hospitality related experience and will provide 3 references from past employers’.

Now I have many qualities – I have organised school-wide charity events, been a senior prefect and mentor and take part in all the classic debating competitions so my interpersonal skills are pretty damn good – but I lack experience, alas! The most crucial element!

As though to spit upon my devastation at being rejected before I can even apply, the fates decided to include on almost all these experience requiring roles that ‘Full training will be provided’. Now my dear reader I implore you – what the actual flip? What’s wrong with giving me the full training?

In desperation; I turned to Craislist. Yep, I stooped that low. In between all the requests for extra-marital affairs there were plenty of requests for escorts with the most blessed phrase to ever be communicated by the English language – no experience needed. Now… I’m somewhat ashamed to admit this but after weeks of having my confidence become all to well acquainted with rock bottom it took me a moment to scroll past the ads in question.

All I wanted was a simple part time job and the end result was contemplating distinctly more adult roles. You can tell this is going to be a fun blog.

If anyone is reading this, feel free to share your struggle in the comments. Remember, caring means sharing!


First blog post

This is your very first post. Click the Edit link to modify or delete it, or start a new post. If you like, use this post to tell readers why you started this blog and what you plan to do with it.